Rev Graham N L Guy - This is my story
yes I acknowledge the chorus "praising my saviour all the day long"
Overcomming Denial is one of the first steps of recovery
but there are often further denials to overcome later
this has been my experience.
It has been said when the pain exceeds the shame the memories are released
sometimes the memories are supressed to avoid the pain
I just reached the stage where I wanted to know why some friends and collegues made comments like "I don't understand you"
memories might be supressed but the symptons ozze out
behaviour is affected
when my memories survaced I ws pleased I now knew what I had to deal with
Survivors of Child sexual abuse also often face:
these insensitive remarks minimise the serious effects of csa
- minimisation - "it wasn't that bad"
- "why can't you just get over it?"
are often made by those who want to avoid taking responsability for breaches or omissions in their duty of care The obsticle, the setback of others denial.
sometimes parents, school authorities, church authorities, employers
make excuses for the abuser
deny that it could have happened - abusers are cunning
they often have a public face
to hide their evil in secreat.
eg "he was at work" - but he went home at lunchtime or free periods.
"he does such good work in the community"
"she looks after the children" - unsupervised
memories flooded out
I was now in my late fifties
I had done the church recovery course twice
but there was more more to be done
I knew it
some ideas come from God
some are our mind progressing
this time He was in charge of what some may call co incidents
I call it miricles
the short version
I saught my fathers affirmation that there were rumours that me abuser
was molesting boys - he was a clam
but two days later ( I was praying with a relative in between)
my mother disclosed the name of the couple who minded me when I was two ....
I knew instantly it as their abuse which was the most severe
their abuse which had been devestating
the lid was lifted
over the next two years I processed it
I spent hours on it
I stayed up until 1-2am processing stuff with Christians recovering from csa
at one time it was like a wall being taken down
and a wall of sewer flowed out
the Lord was cleaning out my inner being
I just hung on tight and said
"Lord Jesus, as a young man I gave you my life.
I'm trusting you
because the current is so strong that if I let go I will drown in it."
He rescued me and set me on a rock
I am now seeing breakthroughs
- I can concentrate at work
- I can go to church without longing for personal ministry
- I can go to a prayer meeting and let others receive prayer
- I am more in control of my feelings
- I can appreciate beauty in nature - since csa it had been a blurr
- I have regained my sence of adventure